How to Make Others Like You

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One of the basic needs of man is to feel accepted. Knowing this is the secret to establishing and maintaining great relationships with various types of people.

A number of books, articles and seminars have taken the role of educating people like you on the different ways of associating with people and building lasting relationships with them. There are several things that you can do when associating with other people.

One of these is to make them feel accepted. According to Maslow’s hierarchy of needs, one of man’s basic needs is to feel a sense of belonging to a group. Man feels the sense of belonging in either small groups like a family and small circle of friends, or big groups like clubs, teams, associations, departments and parties.

People have to feel they belong and are needed. One way to convey acceptance of people’s ideas is by simply listening. Listening communicates the message that their thoughts are valued and their inputs are significant. It answers the very basic need to belong and provides a sense of importance.

Have you ever been in any of the following situations?

-                    While sharing an important insight, somebody would finish the sentence for you.

-                    While narrating what happened over the weekend, somebody would butt in and narrate a similar story.

-                    In a meeting, the boss would cut you short while you are still explaining your side.

-                    You ask your child about his day in school and he runs straight to his room.

-                    You wanted to discuss something with your spouse but he is busy watching football.

How did you feel? Not good, right? It’s as if you are taken for granted. It’s as if no one is listening to you and that you do not matter. It signifies that your thoughts, concerns, and ideas are not accepted.

At the onset of life, an infant can feel this sense of acceptance from a mother who touches and caresses him in a loving way. As he grows older, his sense of acceptance and importance now comes from other family members, friends, teachers, peers, bosses, officemates, spouse, children, etc. Every person needs to be accepted. It puts meaning to a person’s existence.

Imagine a life with total absence of acceptance. Envision the life of babies who were abandoned by their mothers. Imagine the effect this will have on the babies’ emotional well-being. It is very possible that these kids will grow up dejected and feeling discriminated. The effects of discrimination can result to resentment and, if uncontrolled, can result to violent tendencies.

The feeling of resentment that is harbored overtime can escalate to anger and hostility. When a person becomes hostile, violence erupts. Resentment is like a forest fire - it can turn wild especially when fanned with more resentments. The mere civil act of accepting a person “can make or break them,” as the saying goes.

Acceptance must be done unconditionally. The giver should not expect anything in return. There should be no “no strings attached” or no commitments to fulfill. To expect something in return defeats the purpose of making others like you. In fact, this may only breed resentment, for it would appear that you are manipulating people by forcing them into a situation they may not like in the future.

Unconditional acceptance of other people’s thoughts, ideas, and concerns can yield favorable outcomes. Acceptance elicits cooperation and this leads to working towards a common goal. Acceptance yields positive and fruitful results. At the same time, you have raised the esteem, importance, and morale of the person whom you have accorded respect and acceptance.

Be willing to accept other people’s ideas, thoughts, and inputs. You will harvest not only good results, but also the admiration and appreciation of others, as well.

Giving Your All

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The act of giving your very best to the needy can likewise cultivate the best emotional satisfaction in your heart. Whatever form of help you extend, be it service or something of value, you will undoubtedly receive something better in return.

Is there anything better than a simple “thank you” that is meant with sincerity? Is there anything better than an appreciation that makes you feel needed and important? Is there anything better than to see smiles on other people’s faces for having made them feel equally important and cared for?

If your physical resources are limited, you can put your talent or creativity to work. Your urge to help those in need should inspire you to find ways in accumulating resources to actualize your intention. You can come up with ideas to generate more money through fund raising programs. You may also give more of your time doing volunteer service.

In the process of giving your all, your cooperation, attention, and entire being need not be strained. You may get physically exhausted; but emotionally, you will be charged with a heart full of compliments, making you feel all-important. You will feel revitalized and invigorated. You will become more enthusiastic. All these occur because you love what you’re doing.

When you set your mind to work for a good cause, you are actually tapping and activating power that promotes health in every corner of your physical, psychological, and emotional being. Your emotions will run high in a positive manner. You will feel sentimentally contented with what you are doing. You will feel as though you’re the highest paid executive in the business; not because you’re being paid with money, but because you’re being paid with your own sense of fulfillment.

Oh yes………….when you give your all, the best will bounce back to you.

Get Rid of Procrastination, Now!

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Do you put off your work for later, only to find your deadlines steadily creeping in? Then you, my friend, are one of the millions of people afflicted by the procrastination virus. Procrastination is the biggest reason for loss of productivity and late output. Though many would not admit it, they would benefit greatly if they start their work on time.

For many people, putting off their work for later is more habit than desire. It can be so hard to get into a groove where starting your tasks in a timely fashion is a priority, especially if the consequences for being late are things that one can probably bear.

If you are one of these people, yet you desire to shake off your propensity for procrastination, then you have come to the right place. Here are a few tips to help you overcome this dilemma and become a more productive and reliable person.

1. Set schedules – It is very important that you have a list of activities to accomplish per day. This will help you realistically budget your time and resources. One of the cardinal sins people commit in regards to performing their tasks is to put off their work because they feel like there is so much time left. A journal, organizer, or calendar of events will help you plan and schedule your task so that you can start them promptly and finish them on time.

2. Save the Vacation for Later – Many people put their work off for later saying, “I'll just have a little fun then buckle down to work later.” While it may be true that they may have more than enough time to accomplish their tasks, it would be better if they finished their work first and relax afterwards.

Wouldn't relaxation be sweeter if it were after a taxing job? If you choose to lay back and relax before doing your tasks, you will be more prone to burnout and will have nothing exciting left to look forward to after accomplishing a task. It is always better to have slack period AFTER a job than before one, especially considering that people are wont to overusing their slack time. This is suicide if you are heading towards a deadline.

3. Never Underestimate Your Tasks – Sometimes procrastination sets in because people underestimate the resources, difficulty, and time spent for a particular task. They will usually say, “It's just mowing the lawn, its easy; I could do it in a jiffy.” The problem is, no matter how trivial the task, it still takes time and resources to accomplish. If you underestimate a task, you will most likely set too little time to do it and schedule it too close to its deadline.

4. Don't Allow Yourself to Get Comfortable Doing Nothing – It would definitely help if you kept a subconscious alarm whenever you are doing nothing. Get this alarm to remind you of things that may need to be done. This will help you foster the notion that jobs accomplished now means more time for relaxation later. However, even if this is the case, do not forget to put ample time in for rest and to remove all thoughts of troubles before hitting the sack. The trick here, however, is not to overdo you rest. There is a difference between resting and idling. Always set the right amount of time for rest and stick to that schedule.

How To Determine What You Want In Life

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What do you really want in life?

Most people don’t discover what they want in life until it’s time to die – and that’s a shame.

Most people spend the best years of their lives watching television or doing things they dislike. An author described humanity by saying, “Most people die at twenty and are buried at eighty.” Are you one of the living zombies?

What do you really want in life?

Some people struggle in answering such question. When asked what they want or what their goals in life are, many are unsure. They dillydally in their decision, hardly giving any thought about what they want in life. People without definite goals are letting time pass them by. Are you one of these people?

If you are undecided about what you want out of life, do not worry.  There are many ways of discovering your purpose in life.

To discover what you want in life, try looking deep into your heart. Oftentimes, people are ruled by logic. People live by what they think they should be or by what others like them to be. The discovery process is the perfect time to listen to your heart. What your heart desires comes from the whispers of your authentic self. Your authentic self is the real you. 

Listen to your heart to be able to listen to your authentic self. What your heart says usually feels right. What your heart desires is what you usually love to do and this represents your passion. Anything done with passion is like play where the task is accomplished without hesitation. You pour out your very best and feel no pressure or resistance.

You will totally enjoy doing things that are your passion. Setbacks, difficulties, and obstacles will make it more challenging, but should not deter you from pursuing your goals. Naturally, there may be barriers that may prevent you from reaching your goal, but your heart’s desire will find ways to overcome these barriers so that you may ultimately get what you want in life. Remember this: the universe supports people who are pursuing their passion and those who are pursuing their destiny.

However, this does not mean that you don’t use your head. People are born with both the mind and heart. Your duty is to live your best life and be in harmony with your mind and heart. The poet Rumi wisely said, “Live completely in the head and you cannot feel the breath and rhythm of life. Live completely in the heart and you may find yourself acting like a love-struck fool with poor judgment and discipline. It’s all a fine balance - the head and heart must forge a lifetime partnership if one wants to live a beautiful life.” 

Listen to your instinct. Part of human nature is the mysterious and spontaneous reaction on things. Often times, these are called instincts. Your authentic self communicates with you and guides you via instincts. Instincts are those gentle nudges that urge you to act and follow a certain path. Your role then is to listen attentively.

Often times, we listen to what others say and allow them to run our lives. Parents often do this to their children. “We come from a family of doctors, so my son must also be a doctor.” How often do we hear this from parents who have good intentions for their children? Parents unconsciously block the true expression of their child’s real self and calling. Friends and critics will discourage you and point out the impossibility of your dream. Before heeding their advice, evaluate the accomplishments of the critics. Did they achieve theirs dreams? Do they dream big at all?

Remember, it is your destiny that is in line, not theirs. It doesn’t mean, though, that you will not listen to what other people say. Hear them out just the same. But the final decision should be yours.

There is only thing to remember: Every person, to live truly and greatly, must define how he wants to live and what his brightest life will look like.  Listen to your instincts and follow your heart’s desire. You will never go wrong.

How to Deal with People to Get What You Want

People communicate with each other in various ways for a lot of reasons. And one of these reasons is when you need something from someone. For people in business, this can either be in the form of products or services. You may want to sell a product while the other party must find your product useful for his intention. You may want to offer your services while the other party must be satisfied with the services you render according to his needs. In short, the way to get somebody or anybody to do what you want is to make them want to do it.

To get something you want through intimidation or violence is to invite trouble. Yes, it’s possible but not advisable to use forceful methods because the results are undesirable and at times disastrous. Imagine if you force an employee to take a leave of absence for having apparently violated a company rule. The relationship between management and the employee, or perhaps between management and union (if the employee is a member of it), is likely to be severed.

To get what you want, give people what they want. Just what do people want? Physical health, family ties, financial security, spiritual growth, peace of mind, a successful career, and fame are the basic needs of people. There is one important yet intangible thing everybody wants and that is appreciation. Being appreciated and complimented makes a person feel important. When you feel important, you feel needed and wanted, and this gives you a whole lot of reason for existence.

Just how do you give somebody the feeling of importance? Say it, act it; just give it freely, honestly, and wholeheartedly. As literal as it is, saying how appreciative you are for a favor received, makes the other person feel important. You may not be able to describe exactly in words the feeling of importance when you’re in the shoes of the recipient. But definitely, what you can not describe is real and priceless.

Pre-empt importance. Give some sort of sign to the other person that what you want from him, will make him feel important. Let’s take charity for example. A recipient wants or needs contributions from the giver. It can either be material or service contribution, or both. Even before the act itself, the giver somehow expects appreciation from the recipient and this will give him a boost of importance. Appreciation may not necessarily be in words. A smile and/or a pat would suffice and they can come from both giver and recipient. The giver shows his feeling of being appreciated. The recipient shows his feeling of appreciation for the gift. Somehow magic or chemistry takes place. It’s a feeling both parties would enjoy happening many times over.

Are you aware that the feeling of importance, brought about by compliments and appreciation, is good for your health, mentally and physically? Whether you are the giver or recipient, it is good for both. There are medical findings that substantiate health effects brought about by positive emotions like compliments and appreciation. Frequent doses of the feeling of importance activate the brain cells and various harmonies in the body that promote good health. To put it plainly, the feeling of importance is the antioxidant of life.

Can you think of a better way to nourish other people’s feelings than to show your concern and appreciation? Well, you can show something better than appreciation, and that is - a truckload of appreciation.

You know what you and I and everybody else should be doing right now? We should go out there and show our feeling of appreciation to everything and everybody. Let’s go!

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